Interview with Thor Stephens, Lord of the Dark Empire, and Dr. G3orge Garbanzo, audio alchemist, from Trocar Records.

So how long has Trocar Records been around?

Thor Stephens: Umm...

G3orge Garbanzo: Since the dawn of time.

Thor: Since the dawn of time. [Laughing] It actually started in 1996, but we didn't really get anything of significance going until a couple of years ago.

How did Trocar Records come to be? How was it conceived and formed?

Thor: I willed it. No. It originally started as a promotional tool for the band ROHT. And then it evolved and we realized there was a music thing in Seattle that sucked ass that we wanted no part of, so we found people we liked along the way and we collected them. And now we made it our own little collective. Everybody has their different thing. Everybody has something they bring to it; and somebody who does something else will do something to help each other out.

We do different things. You know, you can't do everything. Different people are good at different things.

Right.

Thor: So, I make a point of collecting people.

So, who all is Trocar Records? All these people you've collected?

Thor: Me, Dr. G3orge Garbanzo [gesturing to G3orge], Rain, Carmen...she's the voice of reason.

G3orge: And a good one at that.

(to G3orge) Do any other people play for us?

G3orge: M.C.

Thor: Mike Coleman.

G3orge: Yeah.

Thor: Um, I'm not missing bands am I? Or, any musical acts? There's us (ROHT), and there's Linda, and there's you (SLT).

G3orge: ROHT is technically defunct.

Thor: ROHT is technically defunct. So, G3orge wants to make that very clear. [Laughing] ROHT is technically defunct so Seattle's music scene can breathe a sigh of relief. We're not here for them anymore.

You won't be testing Seattle?

Thor: No. Um, so the two big things we are working on right now are G3orge's new SLT record, and then the Art Ghetto record. They'll come out, I'll would say between... [Looking at G3orge] Don't look at me like that! Um, G3orge's record will be done when it's done, so...

G3orge: Thank you!

Thor: Um, which will probably be in the fall.

Next fall?

Thor: G3orge's record will be done in time for college radio in the fall. And the Art Ghetto record is done. But I think we'll wait, because with college radio you have to hit when college is there. I don't think we're going to make summer now, because we're behind some. There's some organizational changes going on. There also will be a children's record coming out. We're going to make a children's twisted record.

G3orge: We're still doing that?

Thor: Yeah, we're still doing that.

G3orge: That's a good idea.

Thor: We have hit songs on it. It's going to have "Daddy Drinks because You Cry," and "You're Different and That's Bad," which are both Mike Jacobs' songs performed with Linda in a group called Duo-tang.

Duo-tang? Like "do-a-thing"?

Thor: No, like those little metal things in a legal file; those little metal things that fold up to hold the paper in.

G3orge: That's a Duo-tang.

Okay, got it. You learn something new every day.

Thor: Yes. There's the children's record, and as I said before, if Sunder ever gets it done there will be a Sunder record. But I don't know what they're doing.

G3orge: I don't think they do either.

Thor: There will be three records by the end of the year, at least.

What is the story behind the name Trocar?

Thor: [Laughing] Well, it's, um... The former drummer for the band ROHT was a part-time mortician and he would embalm people. This thing that they would use to embalm you is called a trocar. They'd stick it in the stomach about here [pointing] and it sucks out the juices of life.

Which are actually dead.

Thor: Yes, which are actually dead. It became a very appropriate name, because it seems that Trocar sucks all life's energy out of me.

G3orge: One guy thought I was a vet.

Thor: A vet? Like a Vietnam vet?

G3orge: No, no. Like a veterinarian.

Oh, because of "doc"?

G3orge: Yeah, that, and because of Trocar. He knew they use trocars as a part of veterinary medicine. It was very amusing.

Do you have any particular philosophy about music or the label? Or any statements your label makes?

Thor: We have two corporate goals: The death of indie pop, and the destruction of the major label system. These are our two goals. But the death of indie pop--that's our main focus. But beyond that all music is good, beyond indie pop. There's always good in every kind of music going on. I'm just more into people doing music because they want to, because they are into it, and it's their trip, it's their thing. And, that they're willing to do it, and they're not trying to be a fucking rock star that thinks that because they are some fucking artist that they deserve someone paying for them. That's part of our trip--everyone works to help everyone else so that we can do things normally we couldn't do.

Thor: We don't do a particular style. For instance, ROHT was a punk band. SLT is, well...¿(myoo'zik)? was sort of a loud jazz thing, if you will. Linda's record is a piano-based thing. The Duo-tang stuff is pretty acoustic. Sunder is like a loud rap-core kinda thing.

So sort of a mix...nothing particular.

Thor: Yeah, if it's good. It's more about, I work with people I like to work with. If you are doing it because you want to be a rock star, you are not doing it because of what you do, but for what people talk about you. Trocar does music. There is always someone doing good in all types of music, but I get bored hearing about this and that kind of music, it is all just music. Classifying is just one more way for musicians to make me sick and be even more elitist.

Tell me about ROHT.

Thor: What do you want to know?

The whole story.

Thor: Oh, well, it's dead now. So...

So there's not much to say?

Thor: Well, I mean, it's an interesting tale--a long tale. ROHT came out of a band called Heinous Cannibal Starvation, which was probably the only original rock band ever to exist. [Laughs] It had rotating members, and the only rule was that a drum kit was never allowed. We had two hand percussionists and a number of various others. I think at most there were four percussionists in the band at any one time. And then a guitar and bass, and a girl that sang, and a guy that sang.

It was fun, happy music--which is what I think is missing in music right now. Everybody does unhappy music now, about "how fucking sad I am."

G3orge: I could give a shit about that. Life's hard.

Thor: It's more like, I'm from suburbia, or I'm from Issaquah and I'm so sad that I'm going to rip off Built to Spill for the next how many years--which is what Modest Mouse does. Fuck you.

Oh, and what's the entire story behind the song "Rock Critic." That's an awesome song, by the way.

Thor: We actually wrote it for Earpollution. The interesting thing is that the rock press is very weird, very political. There is a geographic element to it. When ROHT got press, you could tell what part of the country the review came from by what was said. Everything on the west coast...well, in Seattle, it was very negative, and very hostile. But as you went down the coast and got to Los Angeles, it went to very good. The east coast, around New York, always gives good press. But the little northwest thing, we weren't very popular. One of the sole purposes of the band was to tell the northwest music scene it could go fuck itself.

The weird thing was, if you read most of our reviews that are negative, they would be more of some sort of usually hostile attack against me, as opposed to ever mentioning what we play or what we do. It was very bizarre to read them, and it was an interesting lesson to learn that music reviews have very little to do with music and are more about other things. I mean, there would be some reviews with several paragraphs about what an ass I am, or two paragraphs about how I suck. You know? I didn't make the music for you--I did it for me. I made it because I don't like what you're promoting and what the press promotes.

They (the press) promote and say it is good when only maybe two percent is good--they are just promoting the bulk of it, and it is mostly crap. The point of it is that you don't send your record out to get reviewed because you give a fuck about what the person says. You send your record to get reviewed because it is a promotional tool. It's a business thing--free advertising. One of the things that I always liked about our reviews was no matter how negative or heinously bad they were, we always got twice as much space. I mean, people would go on about how we sucked for two columns and halfway down the fucking page. The review below us would say, "We really like it." and that was it.

That always made me happy because, well, we obviously had a way bigger effect on you as a human being than, "Oh, I really like it." It was more of a, "Oh, this made me want to fucking kill myself!"