At the same time, do the songs take an emotional toll?

Rob: Oh yeah, definitely. That was a big part of the, like I said before, the Burning Sosobra theme. A lot of it was that I had a lot of songs, well, basically every song was a vent for me. It was something that I was so hurt by, frustrated with, angry about that I was venting through the material my confusion, my anxiety, my isolation, my anger.

After we put out a record or two we found ourselves touring, and I think it's hard for people across the board to conceive of this, because most people, even if they listen to the records a lot, go out and see a band perform: If you're a fan of Smashing Pumpkins, or something like that, you go see them and you might not ever see them again, or you might see them again a year or two later, but most people don't recognize that they're doing that show every night for a year. And if you have a father who gets drunk at night and knocks you around and you write a song, writing that song can make you feel a lot better. And going out and singing about it can help you get it out of your system. But after a certain number of repetitions, it's like, really you're not getting it out of your system, you're keeping it in your system. There's only so many times you can scream at your dad or at your mom before it's not getting any better, it's just getting worse. And it was like night after night, week after week, month after month, I was getting more and more angry and more and more depressed playing those songs, because the songs were very rooted in those feelings. After a certain amount of time it was like...hospitalization, y'know? [Laughter]

It was really, really bad, and I became so unbelievably isolated and nuts from going through those songs over and over. I mean, some of those songs, like "Seventeen" can be incredibly emotionally draining. Which is fine if you're just starting up, and you're playing a gig every few months, it's like this big moment. But you have a choice to make if you're going to go out and play them regularly, which is that you're just going to ignore what it means and not let it get to you--in which case you're just raping the music and you might as well quit--or you're going to let it get to you and be an emotional task, and a real roller-coaster. You're being true to the music, but doing that every night is incredibly draining; it's really, really hard.

So, a real necessary step for the band.

Rob: Definitely. Certainly for the whole band, but definitely for me. If I don't start writing more along these lines, y'know, I'm not going to make it. [Laughter]

Sheesh...is it worth it?

Rob: Yeah. I think if you can make that kind of decision and step up and create with it, then it's incredibly rewarding. You get to dump and purge and yell and get it out of your system and have this highly charged emotional experience, but not one that you want to walk away from just feeling like you want to cut your wrists. You walk away from it going "Fuck yeah!" and it's a very different experience. And then if you have people who come up to you and say, "Man, I thought I was going to swallow a bunch of sleeping pills until I listened to this," then I'm all "wake up!" and slap myself in the face...do something.

Well, I've seen you guys several times, and especially at shows like the Crystal Ballroom in Portland, and The Wow Hall in Eugene, there's really been a tremendous outpouring of emotion from the audience as well.

Rob: It's kind of overwhelming, really. You feel like you're swimming sometimes. I mean, it's quite impossible to explain, but I think a lot of the people, maybe not everyone, but I think that most of the people in the audience feel the same way as we do when we're playing. It's highly emotional, it's very charged, and it's a little bit dizzying.

I've had so many people come up and say that either they regularly take drugs, or they used to take a lot of drugs, and they'll come to shows and don't even take anything because the experience of being there and kind of going through it is such a drug-like experience, and I totally feel like that. It's so that way for me that I can't...I mean, I've tried in the past to be able to play shows when I was on stuff, and it can't happen. [Laughter] It's too much. My brain just freaks out, and in order to be able to work the pedals and play the strings and remember the words and catch the cues and stuff like that, you have to be clear.

It definitely seems like its own drug.

Rob: Definitely. And it's a very unique, very drug-like experience.

On the Web:
Floater (Official Site)

Inside Earpollution:
Live review (05 November 1999, Portland, OR)
Live review (19 September 2000, San Diego, CA)
Burning Sosobra album review

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